By Jessica Monge
Everlasting love in a relationship…Romantic dinners, holding hands walking along the seashore, enjoying each other’s humor, a dream house; we have all fantasized about what the perfect romantic relationship is. We dream about our lover’s physical appearance; what sort of life we want to accomplish with them. Not content with dreaming and making up an expectation to the perfect romantic relationship, which only sets us up for disappointment, once we do find that significant other that fits into our romantic ideal, we tend to get lost in it. We forget about other relationships, work, family, friends, but overall, we forget about the relationship with ourselves.
Not only do we invest a lot of time and dedication in finding love, but once we come upon that niche, we work very hard to stay there. So much, in fact, that we don’t realize that this behavior stunts our personal growth and sense of self. Furthermore, as social beings in search of love, we tend to tether ourselves to that one person that makes life’s and society’s ups and downs a bit more bearable.
In the process of falling in love, it is easier to get distracted and focus on the other person. At the beginning of the relationship we tend to spend most of our time with them; we make our partners a priority. And who are we kidding? The first stages of a relationship are what make it magical. Laughs, love, sexy time and orgasms; enjoying the discovery process of our significant other makes us giddy and bubbly with excitement and happiness. Some of us even push our responsibilities and personal errands aside to make time for him or her; we make ourselves too available to the other person. After the well-known “honeymoon stage,” the magic starts to wear off; or rather the flood of dopamine, oxytocin, and other neurochemicals that are released begging to level out. That novelty feeling of excitement with our partner is just not quite as strong as before. So, we get invested in our ‘romantic person,’ focusing on ‘making it work’ because we feel that the significant other is bored or is just not doing enough. When in reality the ones that maybe lacking are ourselves because, without realizing it, we lost a crucial piece of the equation: the connection with ourselves.
If I don’t work for the relationship, how will it last? (Read more in the July/August Issue of HSM Magazine)